Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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