dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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