i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
