I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am spending my child support on dildos
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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