Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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