would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
