just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
