Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
