4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
