I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fuck appropriateness.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
