i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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