I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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