As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
