Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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