ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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