If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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