I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
