I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
