How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
