Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
