No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
