I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
