I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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