thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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