i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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