We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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