I love black thongs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
