very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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