he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
