I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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