so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
