I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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