Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
