So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
