ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is the high leading the old right now
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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