it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
