OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
