I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
