...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
