so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
