I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are all done wearing pants today
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
