Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
