I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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