my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
