Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
