Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
