both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
