I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
