I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
