i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
