He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
