I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
