and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
