party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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