just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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