i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
