Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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