Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
