i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
