I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
