If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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