I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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