Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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