I just made out with a guy for $7.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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