i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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