things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
