you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
