Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
