I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
