a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
