There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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