Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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