Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
