i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
