I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
