Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
