He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
