I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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